Friday, June 26, 2009


Look, I am not going to blog about WHAT AN AMAZING MAN Michael Jackson was, because unless you live under a large rock, in the last 15 years this guy has gone wiggidy wiggidy whack. He named his kids prince this and prince that, etc. BUT, you can not ignore his musical/artistic genius from the early days at least. I mean ABC,,,it's easy as 123,,,,it's simple as Do Re Me, ABC,,, you and ME GIRL!!!!!

I wasn't even born yet....and then came THRILLER. It was amazing. Don't you remember that video? Michael was still black, and actually a good looking guy, it was such a scary video to a girl that is 4!!!!!! But like a moth to the flame I was hooked!! Now my brother won't admit it, but when it came on he ran behind the couch and hid, (*sidebar, just ask my mom, he did this also when the wicked witch of the west was on Wizard of Oz,,,,,YES YOU DID MATT...hahahahaha!!). Anyway, the album was amazing. I knew every word to all the songs. I performed them, which if you know me at ALL, you are not surprised one bit by this. I remember that album cover, yes kids,,, we actually had massive record albums back then. Michael was in all white with this tiger with him and it was so cool. I had this little blue record player in my room, it was the BOMB!!!

The King of Pop died yesterday, again this is not a tribute or anything to him personally, but his music did make an incredible impact. From the Jackson 5 days to Black or White in the early 90's....... I loved his music!!

Not to change the subject TOO much, but Buttons Rice got her nails did, and got sorta 'bejeweled' today. She had her kennel cough vaccination, and then they did shampoo, nails, trimming, etc. She looked "OH SNAP" cute......I will post a picture of her.

Also see the picture of Dalton in his Margaritaville shirt, he knows every word to that song....but he thinks it's called "Livin on Sponge Cake."

*Sidenote* In honor of MJ's passing, I think I might do a little tribute concert/dance off for the gals in the office---really take them through MJ's best 70's 80's and 90's hits!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


You know, we live in Ozark, MO. We don't live on a farm, or out in the sticks,...a river doesn't 'run through it' in the back yard, etc. etc. So I guess I am perplexed that the Rice family seems to be haunted by 'varmints.'

Please recall the opossum war of winter 2009......I am still not sure who won that one, that thing is probably eating dog food and hiding in flower pots and terrorizing some other poor family in Nixa or something.

Okay, on with the story. So we have a 'mole' problem. Not unsual I know, but this morning kind of sent me over. 'Mole' keeps digging up all over the sides of the landscaping. A friend suggested juicy fruit gum, so there I was the other night as neighbors drove by, just chewing up gum and sticking it down in the ground....seemed to work over there too, until..... 'Mole' decided to just switch gears and tear up another part of the front yard.

This morning I am getting things in the car and Dalton follows me out and I stand shocked just looking at the "ENORMOUS" mounds of dirt that 'Mole' has left....

Lindsay: "THIS IS OUT OF HAND,,,,,,,,stupid mole, I can't believe this thing, ugh, they are sooo gross too, yuck, I'm going to get you MOLE....

Dalton: (gritting teeth, talking in Hulk talk)...."YEAH are making my mommy very mad, and so probably I will go buy a buggie shooter gun (yup that is what he said)....and I will take care of this!"

Dalton: "Mommy, does the walmart have buggie shooter guns?"

Lindsay: "I don't think so honey, why don't we just kill it with juicy fruit gum.." (dumb thing to say)

Dalton: "Gum kills things?"

Lindsay: (crap) No, not at all, but I think in this case maybe, blah blah blah.....

Dalton: "I will ask daddy for a buggie shooter gun."

Close curtain.........

Monday, June 22, 2009

It takes a Man to be a Father

Father's Day will always be a bittersweet day for me. It's been almost 15 years ago that I lost my dad. I don't talk a lot about it, especially to people I don't know very well, because I guess I am a pretty private person about my emotions, especially ones that cut pretty deep. But I was with my dad when he passed away, he had gone for a run and then a quick swim and then he collapsed, I will not go into much more detail, it's pretty tough to hear, but I knew he was gone. I called 911, mom was in there with me, we sent my brother across the street for help (I am glad he didn't really see all of that), but by the time the paramedics got there it was too late. We followed the ambulance to the hospital, and family and friends started to show up. The doctor came out and told us he did not survive, and my life changed forever in an instant.

In one instant, I was a young girl (15), that loved volleyball, and my family and friends, and my church, and (whatever boyfriend I had at the time), and my dog Lucy, and school, and all kinds of things----and the next I was fatherless. I remember that first night coming home, and going to my room and curling up in a ball and hoping the pain that was tearing through me wasn't real......but it was real. I woke up every morning for I don't know how many years, and my first thought was "he is still alive, that was a dream." But then after just seconds the reality would set in.

Somehow we survived. Each holiday was hard, here we were this normal, happy family and now the Man of our house was gone. My poor mom was only 37 when my dad died, 37!!!! I still don't know how she did what she did and got through all of the shock and horror of it all, the responsibility must have been overwhelming.

We weren't alone though. We had great friends, and people from our church that were supportive, and most importantly we had my grandparents and my Aunt Karen and Uncle Drew. They did SO much especially those first few years, we would not have made it without them. And what about all their pain? They had just lost a son and brother in law too.......

Time does heal. I never blamed God for what happened, he didn't make it happen. He does allow life to happen and with life comes death. I know that my dad was a good man, and that he is in a place where there is no pain, and no worries. Selfishly though, I still miss him and I also miss that he never got to meet my little angels Tatum and Dalton, he didn't get to see me graduate and marry Dan, and sometimes I just want to sit down and tell him what has gone on in my life, I hope he would be proud of me.

I don't seem to have the nightmares anymore, but occasionally I am pleased to say that my dad visits me in my dreams, and we usually have a nice chat and go for a walk. Maybe it's my conscience helping make some kind of contact, either way, I always feel better after those dreams.

Dalton was born two weeks early on the anniversary of my Dad's death, which I think is another very interesting coincidence. A day of sadness turned to a day of happy celebration for a new life.

The sun does come out again, eventually.............

We are all very lucky when my mom met Jerry and they have been together for 12 years now. He has been a great step dad to both Matt and me, and has loved our family like his own from the beginning. We will be forever grateful for that.

And last but CERTAINLY not least, to Dan who has been such an incredible father and daddy from that first night back at the ghetto hospital in STL when we found out we were expecting Tatum. He was calm, although I know he was nervous as &^%$, he was supportive, and excited, and has been the most unselfish and loving daddy in the world. He has two little people that worship the ground he walks on, and two little people who are so lucky to have him for their daddy.

I know this is a long post. And it's not funny and light like my usual posts are. Fathers are so important. I miss mine everyday.

Here's to all the dads out there.....keep up the good, hard work.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A stream of unconscious banter........

I am the dirty 30, and this has/ is continuing to be the year I update myself, or I try anyway. Getting in the best shape of, well I know I am not 18, but I have really stepped it up on working out. I still look at my tush in the mirror and I am certain it will never be where I want it to be, but I'm not perfect. Leading me to the giggle vest I had earlier when I was reading my friend Nancy's blog today about McDonald's breakfast burritos----they are seriously an addictive drug to me. I blame McDonald's for making the most amazingly scrumptious little burrito that has my brain playing a tug of war constantly.....

Bad Fat Lindsay: "DO IT! That burrito is so delicious and you KNOW you won't be able to function without it...." Do it, get the burrito you crazy woman and then run more later...

Good Lindsay: "Just eat some Special K, or maybe a fiber one bar, it's easier, and you won't feel guilty for it....

Lately I am about at a two burrito a week mark, but the wind could change and I could be there every morning, it's just something I am having to work through right now, and I would appreciate your support...

Speaking of funny chunky things, I absolutely lose it when I hear the hippo from Madagascar 2 sing "I like em chunky, I like em plumpy" AND especially when he looks at the Gloria (the female hippo) and says, in a deep african voice "GIRL, YOU HUGE"

Dalton thinks it's even funnier to say that to his mama, except it comes out "GULL, you HUGE"

I have just had the best time reading through my friends blogs. My friend Maggie rivals me in the wit department, and I laughed until I cried reading her blog.....we have several friends who are adopting children from all over, and that is exciting to read about, friends that love the same food as I do, etc. etc. I think blogs are on to twitter.

Am I missing something? I don't think I have the time to add another form of communication: phone, text, email, facebook, blog....I think I might pass on the twitter thing.

Dinner tonight: I need to make something good, but I don't have any ideas. Dan gets home tonight, the poor guy has been on a plane every week this month, and he is coming back from Minneapolis tonight, looking forward to that. I should probably shut up now and get back to work!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Come and get it bad boy....

Only the people I work with know about this yet, but today I got the call from Dalton's school that there had been an 'unfortunate slapping.' The teacher explained that Dalton had been minding his own business in the 'house keeping' area, when 'another child' (little $%@&), slapped my baby across the face.

Then came the call. I asked to talk to him and he came to the phone.

Me: R u okay honey?

Dalton: No, this boy in my c'yass (remember Dalton can't say his L's very well yet) s'yapped me.

Me: I'm sorry, what did you say to him?

Dalton: (Silence)

Me: What did you say honey?

D: (Nothing)

Me: hello? Teacher gets back on the phone, kinda giggles, and tells me he said some funny things.

Later I found out that he had not hit this kid back but instead "booty thhhwacked him" a couple times to teach him a lesson.

I guess if you have met Dalton this will not come as a surprise, but just picture it for a second. I hope I don't have to end up paying for "this other child's" therapy or something.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The monkies are running the zoo

I just want to start by saying, all the single parents out there should be knighted or given free passes to mcdonald's forever, or something spectacular. I think of all the moms (and dads) in the military and how hard that must be to have all the responsibility of parenting the kids. That is why I am lucky that Dan and I both are a pretty good team with T & D. BUT this week, he is in LA for work and mama be doing this thing solo!!!!!!!!

Last night:

I pick up free pizza from my buddy (thanks Chad) and the kids and I head home. Tatum falls asleep in the car, she is TOTALLY out, and Dalton is reaching across and messing with her and then laughing because she is so tired she isn't responding to him being a stinker. I tell him 5 times to stop. He finally does and takes his shoes off and puts his toes up on the window....awesome, at least he is being quiet.
We get home, wake Tatum up, she is unhappy and claims she is car sick AND hungry. I put the pizza on plates and ask what would everyone like to watch. Tatum wants Hannah Montana, Dalton wants Agent Oso, so they compromise and watch VH1 (isn't that funny)?

I decide that after a long day, I need to get in a quick workout, so I jump on the elliptical machine and get going. 14 minutes in, I hear this:


I jump off and run in and here is what had happened: Tatum and Dalton were so into the Beyonce video that they left their table of pizza post to get a closer look at the new Halo video, in that short 4 minutes, Buttons had reached her hot dog body up and grabbed a giant piece of Tatum's pizza, pulled it down to the ground and had eaten most of it. By the time I ran in and we were all looking at her, she was on her back with the last of the pizza by her face trying to stuff a couple more ounces in.....what a fat kid thing to do. Nom nom nom nom nom nom. I picked her up and she looked at me like oh crap, and I spanked her a couple times.

Tatum got a new slice of pizza, Dalton had two big pieces and a PB & J sandwich, and I returned to working out.

32 minutes into working out, I am cognitively aware that Dalton is in the room and talking, maybe to me or maybe to the hulk or batman, I am not sure. But although I am reading my book somehow I do make out the "I guess I am a dog now"

I look over and he has shoved his entire body into Button's crate. WHAAAAT???

I get off the elliptical machine.

"Dalton!!" (He bumps his head inside the crate).

"Yes mommy?"

"What are you DOING in there?"

"I am a doggie now."

"It's stinky and gross, let's get you out." I can't get him out, he is stuck. I say you are too big, you are kinda stuck.

D: "Okay I guess I will just have to seep here tonight, I won't yike it, but I will just seep here."

We finally got him out. I finished working out. And then proceeded to clean the Nastiest dog poop I have ever seen in my life. I guess when you are 6 pounds of bad news and you eat a 2 pound piece of pizza, it's bound to mess with you.

Dalton couldn't sleep, so he called out for me about 11:00 and I went in there, got him back to sleep, and then he got upset about 11:30 again, so I went in and laid down with him until about 2:30 and finally got back into my bed.

Stay tuned to hear more exciting stories from tonight's adventures.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dalton, Buttons and maybe Tatum.....

Where in the WORLD are..... my sunglasses? Where is mama's name badge? Where is Brother Bear the movie? Where is Toy Story the movie? WHERE is the remote control? WHY is batman in the refrigerator? Why are there scarves tied together and hanging from the bannister upstairs? Dalton did you just pee outside, again? No we don't have any more cheetos....I can't go get more it's night time and you are in your pajamas. Fine, Dalton you can wear your batsuit to the store. No Tatum you can't eat all those goldfish crackers before dinner. Cereal isn't dinner even though that is what dad just had. Dalton, don't say boobies, and don't say big fat mama, and Dalton stop thanking God for Santa Clause in your prayers, especially in June. No we can't watch frosty the snowman, it's weird to do that in the summer.

And although that is probably a typical HOUR in our lives........they are precious and sweet and smart and the most wonderful babies in the world.

* The above comments are true. They have not been altered in any way.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Stress=Road Rage

Today hasn't been so great. I had a rough night last night (I was feeling sorry for myself, which lead to crying and being a big dumb baby), and the worst part I was being kinda mean too. I should have been grounded for at least a week! Bad me, no sushi for a week :)

Really I think it had more to do with stress. I think I do put a lot of pressure on myself with the assumption that since I am superwoman I can do it all, master it all, and be 100% all of the time. Well, I can't and I am tired. That is why, after much thought, Dan and I are quitting our jobs to become full time pirates. We can boat school the kids, it'll be perfect. A couple great doo rags and we will be on our way.

Okay, so we can't be pirates, but one thing I have to do is try to control the road rage. I just WANT to know ONE THING....WHY WHY WHY do people drive like THEY DO??!! Driving is important, you have to PAY ATTENTION. So, that means NO you don't go 30 miles over the speed limit BUT U DON'T GO 30 miles UNDER IT EITHER. It's dangerous. If I am merging onto the highway, and your %*&% is in the right lane and there are no cars in the left lane. GET OVER MAN...just GET....OVER.....

I feel so much better, now that I got that off my chest. I may not even honk the horn at anyone tonight driving home.