Varmint

You know, we live in Ozark, MO. We don't live on a farm, or out in the sticks,...a river doesn't 'run through it' in the back yard, etc. etc. So I guess I am perplexed that the Rice family seems to be haunted by 'varmints.'

Please recall the opossum war of winter 2009......I am still not sure who won that one, that thing is probably eating dog food and hiding in flower pots and terrorizing some other poor family in Nixa or something.

Okay, on with the story. So we have a 'mole' problem. Not unsual I know, but this morning kind of sent me over. 'Mole' keeps digging up all over the sides of the landscaping. A friend suggested juicy fruit gum, so there I was the other night as neighbors drove by, just chewing up gum and sticking it down in the ground....seemed to work over there too, until..... 'Mole' decided to just switch gears and tear up another part of the front yard.

This morning I am getting things in the car and Dalton follows me out and I stand shocked just looking at the "ENORMOUS" mounds of dirt that 'Mole' has left....

Lindsay: "THIS IS OUT OF HAND,,,,,,,,stupid mole, I can't believe this thing, ugh, they are sooo gross too, yuck, I'm going to get you MOLE....

Dalton: (gritting teeth, talking in Hulk talk)...."YEAH MOLE.......you are making my mommy very mad, and so probably I will go buy a buggie shooter gun (yup that is what he said)....and I will take care of this!"

Dalton: "Mommy, does the walmart have buggie shooter guns?"

Lindsay: "I don't think so honey, why don't we just kill it with juicy fruit gum.." (dumb thing to say)

Dalton: "Gum kills things?"

Lindsay: (crap) No, not at all, but I think in this case maybe, blah blah blah.....

Dalton: "I will ask daddy for a buggie shooter gun."

Close curtain.........